|I don't even
||[Dec. 31st, 2014|12:04 pm]
Mario: Yes you do. *leaning over Kamesen on the couch, one hand planted on the back cushion, the other pointing at Kamesen's face, knees on the middle cushion*
Kamesen: What. *leans back slightly*
Mario: *narrows eyes* Yes.. you.. do.
Kamesen: *also narrows eyes* Are those cookie crumbs in your moustachio?
Mario: *ruffles his moustache* Perhaps.
Kamesen: *turns head aside, quickly chugs beer*
Mario: How're those wrists treatin' ya
Kamesen: *belches loudly*
Mario: Ya know, you're not supposed to wobble like an idiot while enduring pushup plank position number twelve.
Kamesen: THERE ARE NO NUMBERS, ASSHOLE *throws empty beer bottle across the room*
Peach: *ducks, beer bottle goes sailing over her head, cue smash noise and cat yowling*
Mario: Whose cat is that anyway?
Peach: Someone at all my cookies.
Kamesen: *snorts loudly, horfing under his breath with gratuitous laughter*
Peach: *just looks at him with disgust*
Mario: *points at Kamesen* It was him.
Peach: *pulls a baseball bat out of her tiny purse*
Kamesen: *frantically tries to cover himself* No- NO--
(cut to 'Technical Difficulties' sign with Kamesen screaming in the background, the sound of wood hitting flesh and bone repeatedly)
Kamesen: *sitting on the couch in various casts and bandages, one of his arms propped up by a splint, one eye swollen shut, etc*
Mario: Physical violence and domestic abuse is hilarious, I guess.
Kamesen: *shifts a little, trying to look at him* What makes this domestic?
Mario: *shrugs* I dunno; it's just a buzzword to me.
Samus: *next to the couch in ball form, uncurls and stands up to her full height* It happened in the home.
Kamesen: JESUS CHRIST SAMUS *flails stumpily and knocks over an empty beer bottle*
Jesus: You don't go to church enough.
Samus: Sorry. Anyway my knowledge of this junk is limited to yours, because you're me.
Kamesen: Wait- *looks from Jesus to Samus* What.. damn it I need to write these more often; my subconscious is like a busy train station now.
Mario: *looks at Jesus* Does that mean you're just an extension of Kamesen's subconscious too?
Jesus: There's a little Jesus in all of us.
Peach: *runs in* I'm sorry I beat up Kamesen.
Jesus: Don't apologize to me, silly.
Peach: *looks at Kamesen*
Kamesen: *looks up at Peach*
Peach: Asshole *decks him*
Kamesen: AGHAFGHSF *collapses*
Mario: *laughs so hard he starts spitting up beer*
Jesus: Iiiii'm out. *raises arms* TELEPORTATION~ *vanishes*
Kamesen: *sits up* Maaaan how'd he do that.
Samus: It's a Christmas miracle.
Kamesen: *shifts to look at Samus* Didn't we steal that from the Pagans?
Samus: Ssssooort of? Anyway it's time for that cast to come off.
Kamesen: YAAAY! *flails gankily*
Samus: *uses her gun arm to switch to buzz saw* BZZZZZ
Kamesen: You don't have to make the noise with your mouth, it already-
Samus: BRRRNNZZZZZ... *saws through the cast*
Kamesen: *holding a handfunl of gummy worms as the cast falls away* AAAAH MY ARM I'M AN ALIEN
Mario: Shut up; no you're not.
Kamesen: Aww *stuffs the gummy worms in his mouth*
Samus: You're welcome *turns back into a ball*
Kamesen: *chews messily* 'anks.
Mario: Aw man I was gonna ask for some o' those.
Kamesen: *turns his head, stares at him*
Kamesen: *spits up a soppy ball of half-eaten gummy worms*
(thirty-seven years later)
Mario: *runs up to Kamesen*
Kamesen: *sleeping in a rocking chair, is old*
Mario: Stop it
Kamesen: *young again* Ay it's almost 2015
Mario: Any New Year's resolutions?
Kamesen: Uuuh to stop being a rampaging f(truck horn)ckboy.
Mario: HAH good luck.
Kamesen: Thanks *slaps him across the jaw*
Mario: WHY I OUGHTA
Mario: *flails incessently*
Kamesen: G'off me *shoves him to the ground*
Mario: *inhales and then lets out a slow, steady wail*
Kamesen: *stuffs a burrito in his mouth*
Mario: *sobbing through the burrito*
Kamesen: Flibbityjibbit *runs into the house*
*it is dark*
Kamesen: ... *reaches for a light switch*
Peach: *sitting at the table under a naked bulb, wearing a treasure chest as an outfit*
Peach: I try to make Christmas ham.
Peach: *looks down at empty glass o' beer*
Peach: Instead I make.. Christmas jam.
Kamesen: *slowly looks at her* Jjjjaaam like.. the music?
Peach: NO, IDIOT GET OUTH.
Kamesen: HOH *cartwheels through the door, shattering it into splinters*
Mario: *laying on the ground, eyes open, burrito sticking out of his mouth*
Kamesen: Mario wake up I need you.
Mario: *swallows the burrito whole*
Snake: Hmm.. tasty.
Mario: WHAT IS THY BIDDING, MY MASTER
Kamesen: IT'S A DISASTER, SKYWALKER WE'RE AFTER
Mario: Alright seriously what's up *gets up and brushes his fanny off*
Kamesen: *rubs his chin furiously* Peach is freakin' me out.
Peach: *walks up in her normal dress* Hello.
Kamesen: *breathes really fast in and out his nose*
Peach: Do you enjoy playing as me in the new Smash Bros game
Kamesen: Yes, your ass is most powerful.
Peach: Ya doggone right. HA-CHA!! *buttslams him into the next dimension*
Kamesen and Mario: TEAM MARIO'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAIN
Luigi: *runs up, staring into the sky after them* I never get to be in the adventures.
Peach: Shut your damn mouth idiot *prepares to butt slam him* HA-CH--
Luigi: ZA WARUDO!! *bwoom!* *discolored shockwave pulses outward from him*
Peach: *stuck mid-air, frozen in time with her ass aimed toward destruction*
Luigi: Toki wo tomare *throws a popsicle at Peach, it stops in time right near her forehead*
Luigi: ..Soshite, toki ga ugoki desu. *time resumes, and the popsicle slaps against Peach's face*
Peach: Gross *throws Luigi on the ground*
Luigi: *just lays there*
(MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER DIMENSION)
Kamesen: *looks around at crappy furnature floating through the atmosphere, as well as a dog*
Mario: ANOTHER DIMENSION, ANOTHER DIMENSION, ANOTHER DIMENSION, ANOTHER DIMENSION
Dog: *howler monkey noises*
Kamesen: I hate this dimension.